Long and boring update of my life

I started my final cycle of training this past week. Police dispatching. For those who may not be aware, my training thus far has been 911 call taking, medical call taking, fire department dispatching, records and information over the radio to the officers training and now this is the final step to becoming a full fledged dispatcher.It can be very frustrating and can go from 0-100 in .3 seconds but I think I'm going to like that channel. At all moments, the thought should be Officer Safety, Officer Safety, Officer Safety. One wrong move or judgment call made by the dispatcher could mean the difference in whether or not an officer goes home to his wife. No pressure. This is by far the most challenging job I've ever had and I still really enjoy it.

In the love life department, I might actually have one. It's with a friend I've had for over 10 years so we're kind of shooting from the hip on the how-tos. It's hard to adjust to a change in the parameters of one's friendship, even if it's to grow into something more. We'll certainly keep working on it but fingers are crossed for us to find our way.

We had a scare this week at the house regarding our dogs; well, 2 out of 3. David left for camping on Friday at about 2pm and when I got home at 3:30, the dogs were not in the backyard. David had gone through the side gate and left the carabiner off the the latch. The one locking mechanism that stands between Xander and his freedom. Xander has a torrid past with lifting that latch and going for an adventure and this time, his partner in crime was none other than David's 10 month old pup, Shasta. Needless to say, I immediately started searching for them. Their most likely destination? The creek and woods near our house. I searched for nearly 3 hours all through those woods and around the neighborhoods near the house and came up with nothing. I put the food down in the back and left the gate open in hopes they would return. I went out, came home around 10 and around 11 I heard whining at the back door. The mischievous mutts had returned!!

Xander, however, was limping. He hurt so much he had tucked his leg under him and would NOT put any weight on it. I checked him out and luckily did not find anything broken, nothing bleeding. We decided to give him a few days to rest it and see what happened before we took him to a vet. I also gave him some prednisone, a corticosteroid that is also an anti-inflammatory I had left over from Kody. (obligatory disclaimer that you should not give medications without a prescription) I'd say shame on me but I'm practically a vet tech with all the practice I had with Kody and I had everything labeled with what it was for. Anywhoo, it seems to have had a positive effect on him because he started to use his leg shortly after it and now only has a limp. He probably just pulled something trying to keep up with the pup and not get her lost.

We had been really concerned because even though we knew Xander would return, we were not sure about Shasta. Would she stick with Xander or strike out on her own? Would she know the way back? With that adventure, the only good thing to come out of it was that those questions were answered. That means less worrying IF this ever happens again.

Blathering on again

Forgive me blogger, for I have erred. It's been _____ since my last post.

I seem to start all of my posts with that sentence. As much time as I spend on a computer at home and at work, I never seem to remember to post. I didn't grow up with a journal and it's not that I don't enjoy writing, I just never seem to get my thoughts in order or have the ability to say what I mean without using the nitty gritty facts and literal words.

I don't want to speak in absolutes but I'm not happy. My outlook on my future is better than it was when I was unemployed but it's still not excellent. Debt, friends, boyfriends (lack thereof), body, and generally not having a direction. I also feel like my personality is missing. I don't know who I am and I'm not sure I ever did. In high school and college, I had a place, I belonged somewhere. After college, I just started to float. I have plenty of things I enjoy doing but I'm not PASSIONATE about anything. People have descriptors. When someone is introduced they say "This is _____, he/she loves ____."

My best friend Chelle is getting married. And moving back to Houston to follow her fiance/husband. Everyone always knew the former would happen eventually. The latter, not so much. I'm not sure what will happen when she leaves. She is obviously the friend I spend the most time with and I don't have too many other friends. I have quite a few acquaintances I thought were friends but I've learned that when leaving it up to the other person, we will never hang out. I don't want friends who "don't mind" if I come along when others are going out. It's a very depressing situation.

Because of this, I spend a lot of time just sitting at home. I can't just go out to a bar and meet people. SURPRISE*** I'm a shy person. If you know me, you're probably thinking, "Yeah right". But seriously. Around strangers, it's no deal. Once I meet someone or are introduced, I open up fairly quickly.

This comes from being insecure about my body. Yup, it comes down to that. Doesn't it always come down to being insecure about something about yourself? For some it's a body quirk, a strange laugh, etc. Mine is that I'm overweight. Hi, I'm Beth and I'm overweight. The first step is admission, so I'm told. The problem is that I didn't see it happening. I was always a big girl growing up but I was athletic. I play soccer. Yes, PLAY, present tense. I thought that since I was athletic, I wouldn't be able to get overweight. They all say that exercise is nearly THE most important part about not being heavy. I see other people who are heavy and just assume that they are lazy and don't get off their asses. My bad. It can come from a slew of other things.

They also say Portion Control. Now, I've been attentive to my portions but I'm still not losing weight. I'm maintaining and that's just as bad in my opinion. I'm stuck. = frustration and depression.

When you are younger, you have a life plan. For girls, it's a "I will marry my college sweetheart by age 25, start having children by age 30" etc. That's how mine started. The former hasn't happened so the latter is looking bleak. I am the only single person in the group of friends that I have. Honestly. = frustration and depression.